Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo
If it's meant to be, it'll be(:
"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"
don't think, just run
Monday, March 06, 2006
I've never had such an emotionally draining weekend in my life. My YehYeh passed away on my lilest sister's birthday, March 1st. Guess we were all prepared in some way or another-he had cancer and a whole heap of other illnesses and he was so weak and in so, so much pain. But he went in peace and, praise the Lord, that's a miracle in itself. He returned to God, thanks to many prayers and my daddy and my MaMa and i believe he's really happy now (: We had the opportunity to look through so many of his old photos, just memories basically. He was such a fierce man, my YehYeh and everyone was so scared of him. But hearing my Dai Gu talk about her brother so fondly as a child, a nature lover, a good quiet man. Hearing my dad's eulogy as well and seeing the pictures. It just made me so happy to know that indeed he did live his life to the fullest. I didn't think it'd be this hard to accept his passing though. It's been such a struggle for everyone but knowing he went peacefully as seen so clearly on his face, it feels me with such warmth. I never thought i'd feel this so deeply but.. I miss him.
Yeh Yeh, this is for you:
Rockaby baby, in the tree top,
when the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
and down will come baby, cradle and all.
Thank You, Lord.
It's another brand new start tomorrow. Kinda like the old infused together with the new, in more ways than one i suppose. I'm dreading it for the simple reason that i had gotten so comfortable with the people around me and now some of them won't be there anymore while new faces will be. I love meeting new people, i do! But it's so hard letting go of familierity and especially right now when all i wanna do is be comfortable and feel safe and secure-it just sucks. Of course i'm excited about having old friends come join me in AC but it's kinda weird too huh. It'll be nice to have close confidents around though. People who know you inside out already, people who won't double guess, judge or who you feel an inclination to explain every action to. Yes, it'll be very nice. I don't know what'd gonna happen tomorrow though. Kinda scared too! In a teeny weeny lil way.
I guess i should've seen it coming. But wasn't that what i was after anyway? Maybe it's just the withdrawl symtoms showing, which scares me because i thought i was in control. Knowing that i wasn't the only one, does that count me as getting played? But then wasn't i in it just for the kicks anyway? Was i even in anything in the first place? Because obviously we were nothing but what we both needed. And i hate to admit it but having had to see you with her every single day hurt me like nothing i'd thought i'd have to go through. Knowing that you knew far too well what you wanted and were doing was both exhilirating and painful for the long term. I guess it's just been one of those things that's necessary for me to detach myself from, immediately and surely, completely and fully. And it's okay.
I have strong beliefs, i believe dimples are a turn on.
Damnit a hundred thousand times over.
-outs.
ex-oh, ex-oh
2:52 AM